Death to those darn yaoi fangirls!
by Akira Muratake
Summary: naruto, inuyasha, fma and ygo characters gather to get revenge upon those blasted yaoi fangirls!
1. Chapter 1

**_Death To Yaoi Fangirls (chapter one)_**

**_Disclaimer: I own not Inuyasha, Naruto, Yugioh or FMA, and if I did y'all would know it, for I would make Inuyasha and Koga hump each other in front of Naruto on every page, and Gaara would be mine._**

One day, Sesshomaru-sama, Inuyasha, Koga, Miroku, Gaara, Kakashi, Neji, Edward Elric, Alphonse Elric, Roy Mustang, Seto Kaiba, Yugi Muto and the Pharaoh decided to take a walk through the park on 18th avenue near some high school. There they heard a bunch of girls screaming.

"I wonder what they are screaming about." Miroku said.

Kakashi looked up from 'Make Out Violence'. "I believe I heard the word 'Yaoi', or something." he said.

"That's bad." Koga said.

"Those darn yaoi fangirls never give up, do they?" Roy asked.

"Why do they always insist on putting me, Koga and my goddamn fucken brother together?" Inuyasha wondered aloud.

"I believe it is the symptoms of the disease called _havus nolifus._ " Edward said.

"What I always have wondered about is why they pair up Ed and Roy." Kaiba said, looking up.

"Easy, cause I'm sexy and he looks like a woman." Ed and Roy said at the same time, then glared at each other.

"Nani?" Kakashi said, not looking up from 'Make Out Violence'

"Well, at least you lot get paired up with not-so puny weaklings. If I'm lucky, I get stuck with Naruto. Or Sakura." Gaara said, his sexy sand swirling around him.

"You and Sakura doesn't really count as yaoi, you know." Sesshomaru told him.

"Oh it does, now that she got a sex change." Gaara replied. "Or what about Sasuke Uchiha? I wouldn't fuck him-he's a retard! Too emo for my tastes." Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura weren't here to defend themselves.

"Stop whining. You're pretty emo too, you know." Seto told him.

"Ah and look who's talking! Mr High and Mighty Corporate Dude! We all know about YOUR secret life in the closet!" Gaara retorted.

"The only thing I did in a closet was fuck Kankuro last week!" Seto blurted out.

"WHAT! You cheated on me?" Pharaoh asked.

"You fucked my brother in a CLOSET?" Gaara shouted

"Nani?" Kakashi said, not looking up from 'Make Out Violence'

"Uhh... look, I can explain... " Seto stammered.

"Hahaha, you sound like my cousin whenever she talks to Naruto." Neji taunted him, and earned a kick in the balls for his trouble.

"You know what I came upon the other day? They put me together with Kakashi!" Sesshomaru growled.

"Stop complaining! At least they didn't put you together with your brother!" Al replied.

"Um, as a matter of fact they did. It's called Inuyasha/Sesshomaru." Sesshomaru retorted.

"Nani?" Kakashi said, not looking up from 'Make Out Violence'

"Kami! At least we're not in Harry Potter." Koga said

"Yup. They make the poor guy fuck everything on earth." Neji said.

"Ah, yes. I would not want to be made to fuck Dumbledore." Edward replied.

"And the worst part is, he never does anything about it!" Yugi added

"If it were me, I would get revenge." Gaara said, looking oh-so-sexy.

"Hey, that's an idea... we SHOULD get revenge on those darn yaoi fangirls..." Miroku said thoughtfully.

"THAT'S IT! EUREKA!" Roy yelled.

"Alright, gentlemen, lets get our revenge on." Edward said.

"Hmph. I'm in charge." Gaara said

"Who died and made you boss?" Seto Kaiba asked

"Let's put Kakashi in charge." Neji said.

"Nani?" Kakashi said, looking up from 'Make Out Violence'

"YEAH! LET"S DO THIS!!! LEAD US ONWARDS TO VICTORY, GLORY, AND NO MORE YAOI!!!!!!!!!!!" they all shouted.

"LOOK! They're here!" the yaoi fangirls shouted, taking note of our heroes.

"Um... First, we run like hell and yaoi fangirls are chasing us and get outta here." Kakashi said.

--------> You'll have to wait until chapter 2 to find out what's going on next lol

As usual, I implore you to R&R.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Death to those darn yaoi fangirls (chapitre deux)_**

AN: Well I would like to thank 1 DeathGoddess for reviewing. Although I like an occasional yaoi, I am completely and totally against Sesshomaru/Inuyasha/Kouga/Miroku/Orochimaru humpfests, since they don't make much sense (sorry avalonari) or Ed/Al (sorry again avalonari) but oh well. As you might have noticed, I did write a yaoi, but I think it should be left to the pros-gay men. This is written to mock the cheesecakes that yaois have become.

* * *

When we last saw our heroes, they were running away like hell and yaoi fangirls were pursuing them, and the yaoi fangirls WERE pursuing them. They finally escaped to Kakashi's place, a safe distance away from the yaoi fangirls.

"How are we going to get our revenge?" asked Pharaoh.

"Um, well, first, we go around and see if anyone has any ideas." Kakashi said. "You first, Sesshomaru-san."

"Ahem, it's Sesshomaru-sama." Sesshomaru said, filing his long perfect nails. "Anyway, here's my idea-Write yaoi about them and see how they like it."

"You mean yuri." Miroku said

"Yeah!" said Yugi, imagining the perverse couplings in his head.

"Um, I have an objection to that plan." said Neji

"Nani?" said Kakashi, engrossed within 'Make Out Violence'

"Well, for one, we'd all get erections and have the need to jerk off a lot." Neji said

"How is that bad again?" Roy retorted

"I see what he's getting at. It would diminish productivity." Seto said thoughtfully. "It would take twice as long to write it."

"And another thing, what if they write yaoi as an outlet for their unconscious sexual desires?" Edward asked. "They might not mind having those stories written about them."

"That certainly would be a setback." said Kakashi.

"Well, also, what if they retaliate by writing MORE yaoi? That would be the opposite of what we hope for." said Neji.

"Well, what if we summon up a demon god or something like that and get it to smite them?" Miroku asked.

"What's the point? We've got Gaara, Sesshomaru, Inuyasha and the Superchibi Alchemist." Roy replied.

"HEY, DON'T CALL ME CHIBI, SHRIMP, MIGET, DWARF, TINY, LITTLE OR SHORT YOU STUPID FAGGOT! I BET YOU ENJOY THOSE YAOIS!!!" Ed yelled at Roy.

"See what I mean? Just show them the chibi and they'll go wild. THEN we sit back and watch him attack." Roy said.

"Hmm... How about we just let Gaara rape them?" Inuyasha asked.

"We wouldn't need to. They already want me badly." Gaara replied smugly, reapplying the eyeliner that complimented their insomnia.

"Well, how about we blackmail them?" Seto asked.

"How?" asked Sesshomaru

"Well, we find out all their secrets and lure them into a deserted alley and let them know that if they didnt relent, we'd spread it all over the internet." explained Seto.

"Or we could just scatter seeds of dissent amongst their ranks." Neji suggested.

"Nani?" Kakashi asked

"Well, we find something on their leaders that they wouldn't want known amongst the yaoi-girls, and inform the leaders of who's planning to overthrow them. We'll destroy them from within!"

"Good idea, but how about we just get the most desired of us to sleep with the leaders, then send photos to those most likely to lead the opposition, then tape the opposition meetings, send them to the current leaders, THEN we attack just as the yaoi fangirls are weak and unable to do anything?" Seto, ever the technophiliac, suggested."

"That sounds like the best idea we've had so far." Kakashi said. "Now, what's plan B?"

"Hmm... if things go wrong, we can just all seduce the yaoi fangirls so that there are none left to write yaoi. Their minds would be occupied, and let's face it, they're hot." Miroku said.

"And they probably googled how to please a man." Inuyasha added. The Yaoi Opposition Task Forse Whatever Thingy, our protagonists, all chuckled to themselves, and decided upon that.

"Who are the leaders?" asked Yugi.

"Hmm... I believe they are named Mew Ichigo and Mew Berry." replied Sesshomaru.

"Let's do this, then!" shouted Ed, Roy, Al, Gaara, Inuyasha, Miroku and Neji.

"Nani?" asked Kakashi.

* * *

AN: No own, no sue. I've cast the Mews as the yaoi fangirls, because I couldn't think of any other anime characters that I could ever imagine as evolving into yaoi fangirls. MWAHAHHAHAHAHAHA I wonder who will win. (The next chappie will prolly contain lemons and such as Gaara and Sesshomaru set out to seduce Mew Berry and Mew Ichigo. Wait, arent those the ones with boyfriends? Ah, forget it, it's not like I care. All I need are antagonists. If anything, I'll bring in the sailor moon gang in order to enlarge the ranks of the yaoi fangirls.)

Peace and remember to

r

e

v

i

e

w


	3. Chapter 3

**_Death to those darn yaoi fangirls (chapitre trois)_**

AN: Merci beaucoup et mon amour pour ma soeur Ked Rui, who decided to comment upon my writing. Sorry if I don't review yours, but I rarely venture into quizilla to read Gaara porn. (I can find it pretty easily here ) Anyway, here's the panda bear nudity you requested, m'dear.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAANYWAY...

* * *

When we previously encountered our superhot, superpissed off heroes as they were plotting revenge against the yaoi fangirls, inside the safety of Kakashi's flat. 

RECAP:

_"We could just scatter seeds of dissent amongst their ranks." Neji suggested._

_"Nani?" Kakashi asked_

_"Well, we find something on their leaders that they wouldn't want known amongst the yaoi-girls, and inform the leaders of who's planning to overthrow them. We'll destroy them from within!"_

_"Good idea, but how about we just get the most desired of us to sleep with the leaders, then send photos to those most likely to lead the opposition, then tape the opposition meetings, send them to the current leaders, THEN we attack just as the yaoi fangirls are weak and unable to do anything?" Seto, ever the technophiliac, suggested."_

_"That sounds like the best idea we've had so far." Kakashi said._

_"Who are the leaders?" asked Yugi._

_"Hmm... I believe they are named Mew Ichigo and Mew Berry." replied Sesshomaru._

_"Let's do this, then!" shouted Ed, Roy, Al, Gaara, Inuyasha, Miroku and Neji._

_"Nani?" asked Kakashi._

END RECAP

And now, we will watch Gaara and Sesshomaru-sama take on the gators... er... I meant yaoi fangirls. (an: I only selected Mew Berry and Mew Ichigo as antagonists because I didn't want to reveal the REAL identities of the yaoi fangirls... they would kill me, turn me into a man, and pair me up with Kankuro, and I don't want that. Wait... arent they the ones that have boyfriends in the manga? oh well. too bad.)

Ahem, anyway...

Gaara of the desert looked up at the shiny granite fasade(sp?) of the local library where the yaoi fangirls hosted their weekly meetings, and remembered what _The guide to yaoi fangirls_ said about them.

_The yaoi fangirls may be found en masse in some location where you can find all of these: books, manga, sources of latest gossip, nerds/geeks, and a place to access their only sources of comfort, such as quizilla, schnoogle, dark arts, astronomy tower and riddikulus. To them, their gathering place is the equivalent of a normal person's nightclub or cafe. Hooking up with a yaoi fangirl in the library is inadvisable if you don't want the girl's allies analysing you like Freud analysed psychotic women._

_Instead, be discreet._

Okay, discreet it is, thought Gaara, and went over his plan another time in his head and shuddered. "Focus, man, focus. It's for the greater good." he muttered and pushed open the glass door of the library, entering the top secret headquarters, immediately nearly getting run over by at least a dozen YGO-card-wielding white and asian children.

"Good God, what are these children's parents doing?" he asked aloud. Immediately, a passage from The _guide to yaoi fangirls _came to mind.

_The yaoi fangirls are known to take all of their relatives' under-13 children with them to the meeting place, so that they will cause enough mayhem to keep most intruders away. Usually the little siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews and their friends are enough to keep them away. The yaoi fangirls will often encourage misbehaviour on their little relatives' parts because of that._

Gaara sighed and barely dodged a second volley of randomly running around little beasts. He looked around in the search of yaoi fangirls. All he saw was an awful lot of people and a sign that said, "No Sand Attacks or Giant Tailed Demons or Using Byakkugan Eye To Look Under Clothes Allowed in the Library under the penalty of Yaoi. Thank You, Management." He rolled his eyes at the ceiling and proceeded to the only safe place he could think of, where no yaoi fangirl would dare to go: Bible Section. He stood next to a pretty Asian girl who was a full four inches shorter than him stole a glance at him, then looked over to a sign that said "No Raping People in the Library under the penalty of all your reserved materials getting cancelled." and sighed.

Looks like I'm not gonna get to rape him, thought Ked Rui sadly, and went back to perusing the Bible.

In the meantime, Gaara thought, She's kinda cute. Pity I'm on another mission right now, or I'd have a long talk about the Bible with her while solving a Rubic's cube. (AN: Ked Rui made me put that in. Die if you don't like it.) Gaara turned to her and said in that sexy voice of his,

"Excuse me, miss, can you tell me where the yaoi fangirls are?" he asked.

She blushed like she was Hinata talking to Naruto and said in a low, melodious voice, "I don't really know to be honest... they kind of freak me out. But ask Kyra, she'd know."

"Um, who's Kyra?" Gaara asked, blushing slightly. Damn that girl was cute!

"Oh, that strange-looking white girl right there, the one dressed in a green kimono, walking around the pillar thing with that other girl." Ked replied, looking down. (AN: Yeah, Kyra's a sorta-me!)

"Thanks." Gaara turned to go, but then turned back to Ked and said, "I am on a mission, so I cannot really talk right now, but it looks like we have a lot in common, and it would be nice to get to know you. What is your name?" he said all of this slightly faster than what his normal speaking speed was.

Ked blushed a deep red, looking like a tomato. "It's Ked. Ked Rui." she said

"I'm Gaara of the Desert. Let's get together sometime." he said.

"Sure, I'm here every Friday." she replied and smiled.

He smiled back slightly, and headed off to talk to this Kyra person. As he approached her he overheard some of the conversation she was having with her friend.

"Seriously, Airi, I tell you, we shall have no stability until there is full anarchy." Kyra said

"hmm." said Airi.

"And don't tell me that guns are what made that Cho whatshisface from VIrginia Tech go crazy. Guns don't kill people..."

"...People kill people" the two finished in unison, and laughed.

"I mean, in Hamlet, for example, Hamlet's uncle... and then... and the Queen... 'assume a virtue if you have none'... to be or not to be... etc etc etc" said Kyra. (AN: Most of opinionated rant on Hamlet was censored for the reader's viewing protection. )

"Um, excuse me, miss?' Gaara said. The two looked at him. Kyra was tall and white, with hair arranged in a strange hairstyle that made use of some blue and green fake flowers, chopsticks and a fake branch of a fake orange tree, wearing a pretty green kimono with pink sakura blossoms printed on it, and a pink and gold obi. Her eyes were ringed with insomnia, not as severe as Gaara's though, and accentuated with sparkly glittery black eyeliner, tons of mascara and silvery powder sprinkled on her cheeks to show off the contrast. Her friend Airi was dressed more conventionally, in a tshirt and jeans with a pretty beige velvet jacket, her shortish black hair (streaked with silver) in 3 ponytails.

"May I help you? " asked Kyra quietly, her voice threatening.

"Yes, actually. I was told you know where to find the leaders of the yaoi fangirls." Gaara said, lowering his voice also, and narrowing his eyes dangerously.

"OOOOOOkay..." said Airi, shrugging and continued walking aimlessly around the pillar. Kyra gestured for Gaara to follow them, and he did.

"You are either very brave or you have a death wish." she said. "What do you plan to do?' she asked.

"Utter and complete total destruction of the yaoi genre." Gaara replied

"You haven't a hope in hell, even if you are Gaara. You'll never pull that off alone."

"Did I say I was working alone?"

Kyra looked at him. "Who else?"

"All that have ever been seen as a most gorgeous pairing full of fluff and cotton candy as well as angst slash." Gaara replied. Kyra gasped.

"Mew Berry is right there on PC A8." Kyra said after a pause.

"Thanks." Gaara said.

"Oh, and..." Kyra said slowly "You try anything funny with Ked and you are gonna have to deal with me, be you Kazekage or no." she said. Gaara nodded and walked away.

He continued with his plan. He approached Mew Berry under the guise of looking at the large-print books. He quietly dropped a tiny note on her keyboard and escaped to the straight romance section, another place you'd never see a yaoi fangirl.

----------------------------------------

Mew Berry looked at the note that landed on her keyboard and opened it. It was written on beautiful paper with a red ink pen, in an elegant masculine handwriting:

_Meet me at the corner of 86th and Bay Parkway at 6 tomorrow._

_Tell no one._

_Gaara._

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AN: Wasn't that great, now comment or die beyotches.


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